so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
