I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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