All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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