i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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