Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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