i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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