I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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