I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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