saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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