My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
