I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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