I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As shirtless as possible
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I forget how to act sober
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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