Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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