bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
