Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
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how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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