I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
two words: eviction party
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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