That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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