I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
