When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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