That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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