I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
