Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
