when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Come on in and take your pants off
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