You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
