I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
