There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
