I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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