I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
