Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
