i just wanna soil my oats bro
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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