i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
