We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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