Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
