In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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