it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
