just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
