He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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