2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
