Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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