Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
