Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
