why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
