"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
3 2 1 whiskey
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
