my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
