I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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