I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
