My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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