just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
