He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
