i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i think my cat just said my name.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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