how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Screwed.edu
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
