I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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