we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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