He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
