my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
