Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
