What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
