i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
