I heard we made out
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
