i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
