If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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