can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input