so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.