I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.