he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.