My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting