there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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