Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
