I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
