I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
