Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
