So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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