Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
