i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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