Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
